Every day we encounter harsh noise; whether we are dealing with the hustle and bustle of the day, interacting with people, immersed in traffic, assaulted by endless advertisements and social media, engaging with the internet, television, or news, or dealing with family or friends, the effects of noise can be exhausting. Noise dominates our environment. It can be a wonderful symphony of sound that is meaningful to our lives.
But there is another aspect of noise that can stimulate stress and create strong reactive internal states within us.
Our voices can be a contributing factor in the world of noise. I am referring to those human interactions that one might perceive as painful or threatening, such as offensive remarks, family disagreements, or some kind of negative exchange. Activating aggressive speech is what I might call relentless mental noise. It is generated by people and then perceived, encoded, decoded and responded to by our nervous system, so we are activated by this noise
Silence as a “tool”
As a teacher, I often use strategic silence in my classroom. This is what some call the “10-second rule.” Asking students questions in the classroom can initially produce a lot of expressionless and non-responsive faces. However, if I wait, it either helps to get the student to consider the question more thoroughly or is experienced as a mild discomfort that usually produces a reaction that gets us talking.
As a business leader, I use it constructively to demonstrate active listening by employees. As a therapist, expressing silence can be profound, such as providing space for clients as they relate disturbing experiences in their lives. As parents, silence can be more comforting than words when our children just need us to sit with them and reflect on their experiences or problems.
Silence can also allow us the “mental space” to reflect more deeply before we solve a problem too quickly, or allow us to show empathy, or convey a strong emotion that we simply don’t have the words for at the moment. Silence is a useful experiential medium that can speak louder than our symbolic written language (Martyres, 1995). Let’s look at the various ways we use this unique form of communication in our own daily lives.
Our voice is episodic [used as needed] and is a functional tool used to express various things. However, when we strategically stop and remain silent, it indicates that something thoughtful and introspective is going on inside us. Bavelas et al. (2002) demonstrated the power of silence in “conversational dynamics” and found that silent pauses in conversation can indicate attention, encourage speaker elaboration, and promote empathic turn-taking. elaboration, and facilitates empathic turn-taking. When we are asked a question, the ‘silent pause’ communicates to the speaker introspection and respect for what is being said.
Silence gives us time to collect ourselves, filter out the out-of-place and irrelevant elements, check for issue readiness (holding elements not yet ready to be shared), and consider target responsiveness (receptivity based on current cognitive or emotional state” (Parke et al., 2022). Silent pauses can also down-regulate emotional conversations, helping to avoid cortisol spikes and temporarily defuse argumentative triggers. By incorporating these brief moments of silence into our responses, we open up space for interactional possibilities and ultimately improve the quality of the interaction.
Communicating comfort and affirmation in moments of meaningful silence
Silence often has a “texture” because it carries with it an accompanying inner feeling. It can serve a collateral function, connecting us through deeper channels of communication. In a study by Back et al. (2009), the researchers mentioned that “some forms of silence can be awkward, cold, or even hostile, but others can be comforting, affirming, and safe. When we respond to others with silence, especially in emotionally charged situations, we signal to others that we are willing to consider and validate their experiences.
Conveying comfort and affirmation in moments of meaningful silence
Silence often has a “texture” because it carries with it an underlying feeling. It can serve a collateral function, connecting us through deeper channels of communication. In a study by Back et al. (2009), the researchers mentioned that “some forms of silence can be awkward, cold, or even hostile, but others can be comforting, affirming, and safe. When we respond to others with silence, especially in emotionally charged situations, we signal to others that we are willing to consider and validate their experiences.
